THE PURRFECT VALVE TREATMENT BY MULLARD MAGIC

As some of you know, I had an idea that I could invent a post production valve treatment that gave similar effects to cryo treatment of valves and what an idea it was!!!!!

And here it is, can you guess what it is yet ...............?

Yes, you've guessed right, the famed, the world renowned Pussy Treatment, forget cryo treatment, forget painting your fuse ends and CD rims green with a felt tip pen and forget buying expensive mains leads hand plaited by Morecambe virgins, this is the real deal.

What you see above is our beloved Devon Rex pussy cat, Noctode, post production Pussy treating a valve. It has long been understood that cats provide a sense of wellbeing in humans due to their ‘chi’ which manifests itself as an orthogonally protagonised Van der Waal force which undergoes a Balz – Schieman transfer due to the periodontal trickulum gradient that is produced between the person or item and the pussy.

Scientific experimentation by myself has conclusively shown that this force has an equally beneficial effect on valves where it ‘Pussy – Whips’ the electrons in the valves cathode to an altered hybridization state that allows better emission. What is fascinating is that it works for directly AND indirectly heated cathodes irrespective of whether or not the treated valve is a rectifier or even a small signal pentode. This enhancement imbues the valve with deep reaching sonic properties and, get this.... the effects are permanent – at least until the cathode reaches the end of it’s emissive life.

Kirlian photography can show up these forces, emanating from the Pussy as you can see in this Kirlian photogram of Noctode below. I should like to stress that Kirlian photography is a real technique and is in no way related to the fact that the first Devon Rex cat was called Kirlee or because all Devon Rexes have curly fur. Trust me, I am a scientist and pseudo-scientific psycho babble when applied in an audiophilic sense - just like in the hifi comics, sorry, hifi magazines - means that all I am telling you is true – cross my heart and hope to find a PX25!  Remember, you read it on the internet so it MUST be true.

This force transmission does not tire the pussy as it is carried out by placing the valves in her bed and allowing her to rest on top of them. As Noctode is a 5.2kg pussy, her mass will not damage the valves as she jockeys to get comfortable on her brood for a minimum period of 6 hours (+/- 0.25 hours).  We use this time interval based on the results from a Six Sigma DMAIC process study to achieve maximal force transfer whilst optimising valve throughput. In order to measure the optimal time accurately and consistently, a digital desk clock calibrated to a UKAS traceable standard is used for process timing. Noctode is enticed from her bed after the elapsed time by a handful of Tesco Combino cat treats (chicken & cheese flavour, 65g for 89p). The treated valves were allowed to reach a homogenous state and temperature before removing from the treatment bed. As you can see, nothing was left to chance in processing.

Noctode is not fazed by Pussy treatment and takes her work very seriously, here you see her viewing the fruits of her labour on our AVO VCM Mk2. – her paws are too small and delicate to use the controls on our mighty VCM163. Isn’t it sweet how she is using her tail here to adjust the mA/V control whilst nonchalantly posing for the camera.

 Now the Mullard Magic website is up and running, we have explained to Noctode that we will need her to treat more valves so she has been busy training at our local pussy gym - here you can see her in action.

So there you have it, Pussy treated valves in a nut shell, next time, I will bring you the results of an exciting comparative listening test between cryo treated, Pussy treated and mis - sorry untreated valves.